August 27th, 2015
Today, it’s my birthday. I am 42 years old, and I feel more comfortable with myself than ever before. I am healthy, confident and empowered. And grateful, terribly grateful to be strong enough to remember that happiness is a choice, and that if you love yourself no one can really hurt you.
People think about vulnerability as something negative, almost as a sign of weakness. I see it the opposite way. I love passion and intensity, so I usually force myself to be vulnerable in order to completely embrace the full potential of a moment, an experience, a connection. For me they go together: full awareness and presence cries for vulnerability. So when I saw Anastasia’s project I felt a sudden impulse to become part of it: I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and test the limits of my own vulnerability to a whole new level.
Taking my clothes off in front of a stranger with a camera, ready to capture my real nakedness, was terrifying and extremely easy at the same time. For the first time in my life I felt naked for real: naked body, naked face, naked heart. No layers, just a soul. It was intimate and empowering.
The second motivation to be part of the project was to celebrate my body, and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Just over two years ago, a couple months before my 40th birthday, my long term partner left. In the midst of the darkness, sadness and confusion I was told I wasn’t beautiful, I wasn't sexy. He broke me in a way I can't convey with words. I could not eat at or sleep for several days, and my already petite body lost 12 pounds in a month. For a minute I felt old, ugly and worthless. But just for a minute. Immediately, I realized I was not the problem, and decided I was beautiful no matter what. My body was a gift, a stunning gift. I embraced every scar, every stretch mark, every wrinkle, every white hair. Each for being a reflection of a lovely memory, a crazy adventure, and 40 amazing years on earth. Signs of joy, intensity and happiness. My body was my most precious possession, and I became totally aware of what I put on, in, and through it.
Thank you Anastasia for helping me opening up and capturing my deepest vulnerabilities.