"Between my addictions and mental illnesses there’s a lot of blank spaces in my memory. I turn twenty five next month, and everyone just keeps telling me I’m a baby. It’s weird to think about the things I’ve said and done vs. the things I remember saying or doing. The past couple years have been obnoxiously crucial. Hell, the past month has been a shit storm. I have this weird butterfly in my stomach that come this birthday I will be so relieved to be able to say I’m in my mid twenties. I’m currently trying to sober up and remembering to take care of myself. Keeping in mind, I am pretty much a baby. I need to be gentle to myself like one. A friend recently told me, "It's like you never really learned how to live with yourself and other people, so you just hungrily devour anything in your path that looks or feels good." I need to think about my long term self and not just getting lost in the stressful moment. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself at all. I need to start remembering. I am covered in a doodle time capsule, I see where I’ve been, my changing interests, and how I’ve felt forever printed on my skin. For once, I’m looking forward to making new memories, the type where I don’t need reminders".
