By the end of doing the shoot, I developed a much more kind relationship with my body and it’s presence. I felt more able to look in the mirror and not just see something merely sexual, inherently female, and private. Which were things that I’ve been associating with my body since puberty. I felt more able to share myself with people in a way that didn’t feel just vulnerable but more grounded and present than I had before. I felt like I was birthing new parts of me, and these images were me at the hospital.
Meeting Anastasia when I walked in the studio felt like I was getting together with an old friend to hang out and do arts and crafts with. We had coffee and eventually delved into conversations about growing up, trying to make a living as an artist, trauma, and choosing paths. All while I shed layers of skin. I think this is the only time I would feel this comfortable and let alone fulfilled by getting naked in front of an internet stranger.
Looking at the pictures afterward, Anastasia was talking about noticing how in every photo shoot there is a moment when the person becomes a young child. We found my young child shots. Then there were somewhere I could see my age and my experiences in my face and the tiredness my heart was trying to run through though I don’t know if anyone else could really tell. It was just as tender and sweet to see. Like looking at my own baby who I was scared of but trying my best to love and care for. I couldn’t be more grateful and excited for Anastasia's project and what its doing for the models that came to her.